Making Mealtime Manageable: Three actions to take when your kid’s diet differs from the families

By:Caroline West Passerrello 

I was recently interviewed on the topic of children who choose to become vegetarians on their own.  There were a lot of questions specific to this pattern of eating, but my responses really reminded me of three key actions for ensuring all kids are getting the right mix of healthy foods and exercise: Respect-Engage-Observe.  Kids Eat Right Month is a great time to check-in on the family’s nutrition habits and reevaluate as needed, especially if one or more eating patterns are followed within a family.  

RESPECT

Think about how you decide what to eat by focusing on the last thing you ate.  Ask yourself: why did I eat that? Was it because it was convenient, healthy, delicious, cost effective, socially acceptable, etc?  More often than not, you had a wide variety of choices and research shows taste continues to drive our selections. Now if you are a child, your choices will likely be limited and this may frustrate you. As parents, our job is to establish eating guidelines while respecting our child’s choices.  When your child presents with a way of eating that is different from the rest of the family – whether it be extreme pickiness or the desire to be vegetarian – it is important to learn more about what is behind their choice so that you can address it from a place of compassion and respect instead of ignorance and frustration.  You will need to do some research to better understand their choices and this will vary based on the age of your child and their specific choices. Example: if you have a toddler who is a picky eater you may need to ask a registered dietitian nutritionist for common causes and solutions, however if you have a teenager who wants to follow a vegetarian eating pattern, asking them some open-ended questions should yield the desired results.  Clearly there are some situations were a child’s food choices are not in their best interest and this is when you should step in or enlist the help of a professional.   But remember, do your research so you can be informed and respect their decisions.

ENGAGE

So, you have done the necessary research to determine the cause for your child’s [change in] eating pattern and are able to respect their decision.  The next step is to engage them. Depending on their age and ability, there is a wide variety of ways to elicit engagement. Back to our example of a teenager who is choosing to eat a vegetarian diet, while the rest of the family is not, the teenager can take on some of the meal planning responsibility and learn valuable life lessons.  They can research recipes to prepare for themselves and identify meatless meals that the whole family can enjoy together. If the child is younger, engage while grocery shopping by talking about what you are purchasing and asking them questions, even giving them choices when it is appropriate [Ex: do you want blueberries or strawberries this week?].  Here is a great resource for age appropriate ways to engage kids in the kitchen not just the grocery store.

OBSERVE

Sorry parents and guardians, but this one involves taking a closer look at your habits.  Don’t get me wrong, it is important to observe your kids to know what they are really eating over the course of a few days, without micromanaging.  But don’t forget (as if you could) that kids are always watching us! Are you modeling behaviors and food choices you want to pass on to your kids? Even if your child chooses a different eating pattern than you, it is still important to model good mealtime behavior.  Do you sit when you eat and make family meals routine? Do you balance your plate with veggies, fruits, whole grains and lean proteins – from whatever source you prefer? Do you eat mindfully and refrain from using food for emotional comfort? I know there is a lot of pressure on parents already when it comes to raising happy and healthy kids and there is no perfect way of eating, but it is important to establish guidelines that are appropriate to your family and model the behaviors we want to see in our kids more often than not.  Be a model…a role model!

The next time you find yourself feeling frustrated by your family member’s food choices, take a few minutes to think about these key points.  Is there an opportunity for you to be more respectful, to encourage more engagement or improve your own habits? If the frustration persists, don’t hesitate to contact a registered dietitian nutritionist that specializes in pediatric nutrition, sometimes parents are too close to the situation to see the simple solution to mealtime sanity!

Caroline is a Spokesperson for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, the owner of Caroline West, LLC  and the Past President of the Pittsburgh Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. When she isn’t fielding media interviews, consulting with clients, or fooling her friends with food you will likely find her spending quality – and active – time with her family. You can find Caroline on facebook, twitter, and Instagram.